


A Long and Ephemeral Journey

by Shizaiya



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 06:19:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 19,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6644773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shizaiya/pseuds/Shizaiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bunch of one shots that come together to create a rather disconnected bigger story. They're the little fics I wrote during Shizaya Week on my tumblr account and I decided to post them here too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intuition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Intuition  
> Day & Prompt: Day 1 (4/13): First Meeting  
> Rating: T  
> Warnings(*please indicate if it’s sfw/nsfw): SFW  
> Side Pairings(if applicable): Shinra/Celty (mention)  
> Summary: If things were a bit different, and they weren’t both the people they were at the moment, maybe it would’ve have worked out. “I’m convinced I met the love of my life at the wrong time, what a tragedy that is.”

Ever since Shizuo was little, he always knew the universe would utterly screw him over somehow. Call it a gut feeling, but there was always a constant nagging that somewhere along the course of his lifetime, something devastating would happen to him.

At first, he had thought it was his strength. When he lifted that refrigerator over his head, he had thought that this was the pivotal moment in which everything would change for the worse.

He wasn’t necessarily wrong. His cursed strength broke his body over and over again and a hospital room was what most of his childhood memories consisted of. Fear, doubt, confusion, anger, and grief were only some of the emotions that blossomed from this revelation, that even though he lived in a normal family, and had a normal life thus far, he would no longer be ‘normal’ from now on. That nothing is ‘normal’ anymore.

Everyone became afraid of him and before he knew it, he was all alone. Well, almost alone, his family members were never afraid of him and neither was Shinra, his only childhood friend. But that didn’t help with the loneliness he was forced to endure.

The constant isolation and name-calling happened every day, words like monster and beast. The thoughts of always being this way and always being alone, that no one will ever love him or ever understand him, made him curse his strength even more.

However, he couldn’t have been more wrong if he tried.

As if adding insult to injury, the true moment that the universe utterly fucked him over was when he met Orihara Izaya at the beginning of his high school life.

Staring up at raven-haired male on the second floor of the school building, Shizuo felt a deep sense of foreboding apprehension. The pit of his stomach churned, and he realized with an ominous premonition, when his eyes met the gleaming crimson ones of the boy above him, that this encounter would be the end of him.

That day, after classes ended, in the soccer field behind the building, the blonde’s gut feeling once again proved to be right—it has never been wrong ever. The hairs on his back stood up at the clapping that resounded through the field.

With dread, Shizuo slowly turned to meet the same teen he saw earlier that day, the one with the mischievous smirk and carefree attitude. He could vaguely hear Shinra’s far from pleasing introduction, but the words were soon lost to his ears as he looked at the raven-haired teen.

The first words out of his mouth were impulsive, said in the moment with adrenaline still pumping through his veins.

“I don’t like you.”

Or perhaps it was the blonde trying to convince himself that the pounding in his chest was strictly from strenuous physical exertion and not because of the lithe male sitting on the table across from him. Maybe it was said to deter the other from getting close to him, because Shizuo knew he’ll end up falling for them and then hurting them. Or maybe it was because he was a coward.

He was a coward. For being scared, because when he looked at the other and heard their voice for the first time, fear, doubt, confusion, anger, and grief clutched his heart in a cold vice grip. If he was to put a reason to it, it would probably be the voice in the back of his head telling him, ‘ _It’s not going to work out. It’ll never work out. You two are too different. The circumstances aren’t right. It’s not going to work out. Everything is wrong now._ ’

‘ _What irony that the only person who’ll ever possibly understand you, is a person like that, leering smirk and all._ ’

In the end, when he threw that punch at the other to try and scare them off, he got slashed, and before he could control it, anger blossomed from every fiber in his being and a chase through the city of Ikebukuro ensued. And the next day from there on out, the raven known as Orihara Izaya always came back.

When confronted on why several months later, the smaller male simply smirked and glowered at the other. With words laced with sweet venom, he said what Shizuo always wanted to hear.

“If you think you could just scare me off like that, then you’re terribly wrong. I’m not afraid of you, Shizu-chan. Never have and never will be.”

Acting before thinking, it’s something the blonde always did. So hearing those words, Shizuo shouldn’t be surprised when he abruptly wrapped one of his arms around the small of the other’s back, lifted their chin with the other and mash their lips together in the heat of the moment. As Shizuo felt Izaya’s soft lips massage against his own, a memory of a conversation he had long ago flitted through his mind.

_“My beloved Celty is so perfect! She’s so kind and nice and forgiving and everything I’ve ever wanted! She’s beautiful, especially when she makes those cute little embarrassed faces! Celty is so shy when I give her my declarations of love!”_

_Shinra babbled on and on about how he was going to marry this Celty woman to his one and only friend in elementary school, Heiwajima Shizuo, who was seated across from his desk during lunch period. A brown-haired Shizuo just grunted with an annoyed expression as he continued to eat his boxed lunch that his mother made for him, already used to the bespectacled boy’s incessant ramblings._

_Suddenly the cheery voice cut off, causing Shizuo to look up at the uncharacteristic quietness the other was displaying currently. Seeing a blank expression on the other boy, he opened his mouth to question what’s wrong, but before he could, Shinra redirected his gaze on him, eyes expectant._

_“Ne, Shizuo-kun, are you jealous whenever I talk about my dear Celty?”_

_Mouth agape, he quickly denied the accusation, “Huh?? N-No, why would I be?”_

_“You always look kinda sad or annoyed whenever I talk about her, so that’s why. If you’re not jealous, then what is it?”_

_Frowning, with creased eyebrows, Shizuo relented as he sighed tiredly out, “It’s not that I’m not jealous, I am maybe…a little bit. But I’m also…! I’m also just so…!!” Covering his face with his hands, he groaned in exasperation, unsure of how to explain how he’s feeling. How do you begin to tell your friend something like this?_

_A light bulb blinked on in Shinra’s head, realization dawning on him, and a knowing smile graced his face. “Oh, I see what’s wrong. Don’t worry, Shizuo-kun, you’ll find someone in the future! I’m sure of it!”_

_“But everyone’s scared of me…”_

_“Then the person for you would be someone who’s not scared of you.”_

Perhaps that statement was true, but surely, this relationship, between a man named Heiwajima Shizuo and another named Orihara Izaya, was not going to work out. It was just a gut feeling, one that Shizuo deplored with all his being, for it was always right. ‘ _It’s not going to work out, if only the circumstances were different.’_

‘ _I’m convinced I met the love of my life at the wrong time, what a tragedy that is, ah._ ’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be posting this in the chronological order that the story goes in, so the Days may be off for the upcoming chapters since I wrote this rather disconnectedly and while following the prompts for the day. They can all be read seperately, but they do form a bigger story if you read them all so that's why... (Basically you can just ignore the Day section, I'm only keeping that there to show when I wrote it OTL)
> 
> Sorry for OOC or mistakes, if you see anything, just tell me and I'll change it.


	2. Miracle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Miracle  
> Day & Prompt: Day two (4/14): Christmas  
> Rating: T  
> Warnings(*please indicate if it’s sfw/nsfw): SFW  
> Side Pairings(if applicable): Shinra x Celty (Mention)  
> Summary: A lot of strange things happen, things that no one ever thought would happen, on this holy night. Perhaps, Christmas miracles really do exist.

It has been 3 weeks since they started dating and Christmas was right around the corner, meaning, today was Christmas Eve. Snow littered the streets and the roofs of the city in a thick blanket of white. The temperature was absolutely ‘freezing’ according to the flea, though Shizuo didn’t really find it that cold. Sure, a bit chilly, but it was more like a cool breeze to his skin than anything else. Izaya had scowled and called him a human furnace when he told him that the first time, before subtly pressing his shivering frame to his, sticking a tongue out as if the blonde really minded having his body heat stolen.

Now, Izaya was still shivering as they trudged through ankle deep snow to get to a certain future underground doctor’s humble abode. The raven haired teen was covered in layers of clothing consisting of a long sleeved shirt, a sweater, a coat, a scarf, and gloves, while Shizuo had on a simple jacket with a longed sleeved shirt underneath and a scarf wrapped around his neck. With an amused smile, the blonde carefully shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around the other, laughing softly at the other's perturbed and surprised expression.

“You can have my jacket, you look like you’re about to turn into a flea-popsicle,” He said, a red tint coloring his cheeks, the cause anything but the cold weather.

“Shizu-chan is so weird, how are you not cold?” Izaya questioned, taking hold of the fabric and holding it close and tight around him.

“It’s because I’m not made of only skin and bones like a certain bean sprout I know,” grunting in return, Shizuo carefully took hold of one of the raven’s hands in his own as they continued walking.

The bespectacled brunet had invited Shizuo over for a Christmas get together party, pleading for him to attend because ‘Celty really likes you as a _friend_ only and I don’t want to disappoint her!’ as the slightly jealous Shinra had put it. Furrowing his brows, he had asked if Izaya was coming also. The other quickly waved his hands through the air and shook his head airily, a ‘Nope, not at all! Don’t worry about him, he’s not invited, so please come over, if not for me than at least do it to please Celty!’ left his mouth, and the blonde felt a pang in his chest from that statement. Shizuo was about to get angry, but soon realized that he and Izaya decided to keep their relationship a secret, so not willing to disappoint the Dullahan, he nodded his head absentmindedly, asking if he could bring someone along with him instead.

That someone being Izaya, who he had to drag along with him, not knowing any other option at the time. He didn’t want to let down his only friend that didn’t want to dissect him, but also didn’t want to spend Christmas Eve away from his boyfriend, so in the end, he decided this was the best choice. The smaller male had protested that it was fine, he should just go to the party, it’s just some annual clichéd holiday anyways, but the blonde insisted since it was their first Christmas Eve as a couple and he wanted to spend it together with the other, causing Izaya to try to stutter out a retort before averting his eyes and conceding with a muttered ‘Ok’.

“Ne, Shizu-chan?” Izaya said, breaking Shizuo out of his little reverie. Looking towards him now, he noticed the raven’s mischievous smirk in place as amusement gleamed in his crimson orbs.

“Yeah…?” His reply was hesitant, but that smirk never meant anything good as he’s known from experience.

“Well, since Shinra didn’t want to invite me, we should play a small harmless prank on him!” He proposed happily, though the intent of that statement was far from what the tone suggested.

Shizuo frowned, protesting.

“Oi, that’s really mean.”

“But it’s Shinra.”

“Ok, yeah, good point. What do you have in mind then?”

But relented right afterwards.

“I was thinking since we’re finally going relatively public with our…relationship, we should scare them a bit first before telling them. Just for fun, of course,” he began, leaning up on his tip toes to whisper the rest of the devious plan into the taller male’s ear. The smaller male didn’t really need to do that, considering they were the only ones out in this cold weather and not a single person was anywhere nearby to hear them, but the gesture was so endearing that Shizuo decided not to comment on it.

Five minutes later, Shinra was yelling, “Coming, coming!” as the doorbell to his apartment rang. Opening the door, he started to greet them, but his mouth snapped shut at the person that walked in. His eyes widened and goosebumps formed on his skin at the sight of Orihara Izaya taking off his layers of winter clothing with a devilish smile on his face.

“I-Izaya! What are you doing here?!” Shinra bolted forward, grabbing the other by his shoulders. “You definitely shouldn’t be here!” He tried to inform as casually as his hectic shrieking would allow.

“Eh? Why not, I heard you were having a party, so I decided to come.”

“Y-Yeah, but you…” Throat running dry, he didn’t want to blatantly admit that he didn’t invite Izaya lest his whole apartment suddenly go up in flames from various questionable reasons, but he needed to act quick before the infamous blonde came and destroyed his apartment instead. “Look, you really can’t be here because—Eek! Shizuo-kun!”

As if the world specifically hated Shinra, Shizuo knocked on the door twice before opening it himself, mumbling a, “I’m here,” before looking up from the floor and seeing Shinra back away from where he originally stood as if trying to find a safe place to hide, and Izaya staring a him with eyes that just screamed ‘All according to plan’.

“Sh-Shizuo! It’s not what it looks like—actually it’s exactly how it looks like—but it’s not my fault! So please don’t destroy my apartment in your fight!” Shinra sputtered out, backing up as far as he could around the corner and ducking behind it.

When he heard no growling or yelling or crashing or running, his eyebrows furrowed as he cautiously peeked from where he hid, only to see his two friends staring back at him with blank faces, bursting out in laughter simultaneously seconds later. Shizuo’s soft baritone chuckle rung through the air, though not as much as Izaya’s borderline-maniac cackle did.

“Haha, oh god, ha, Shinra, you look like you’re about to piss your pants! That’s a great expression you’ve given me!”

“I, uh, w-what,” The brunet replied eloquently, shell-shocked and frozen in place, staring at a scene he never thought he’ll be able to see in his entire life. The headless woman that he lived with was something more believable than this. “B-But, Shizuo, and you…and…what?”

“It’s fine, Shinra, Izaya can stay here, I told you I was going to bring a guest with me, didn’t I?”

“I-Izaya’s the tag along!?” Glasses knocked askew on his face, the bespectacled boy felt even more confused. “How?! No, I mean, why!?”

“We’re, umm, kinda dating now…”

“Kinda? Dating!?”

“Yeah…”

Looking at Izaya, who was clutching his abdomen, body wracked with hysteric snickers, he saw tears bud at the corner off the raven’s eyes, head nodding as if to confirm Shizuo’s declaration.

A _long_ explanation later led Shinra to a less confused state, and an even longer one had Shinra nodding his head in vague understanding. Shizuo and Izaya sighed heavily, a bit of a flush tinting their cheeks at having to explain again when Celty and Kadota finally arrived.

Sipping hot chocolate (“Izaya, no, your hot chocolate can’t be bitter!” “I don’t like sweets though, Shinra.”) in the living, they all chatted about, albeit a bit more awkwardly than they were used to, as everybody tried to adjust the explosion of new information that was Shizuo and Izaya were _dating_ , as in romantically together. Eating the loads of food displayed out for them, telling jokes and stories, and asking more questions to the couple in the room, the night passed by quickly. By the time they were getting ready to leave, it was three minutes before the clock struck twelve.

Standing next to each other at the doorway, they began to say their goodbyes to everyone. Kadota had left about 40 minutes earlier and now it was Shizuo and Izaya’s turn to bid farewell.

“It’s been fun, but Shizu-chan and I have to sadly depart from your kind hospitality, ah, what a shame that is,” Izaya teased sarcastically, seeing Shizuo roll his eyes.

“Yeah, thanks for having us over though,” Shizuo commented as they both began to turn to leave.

“Wait a second!” Shinra called out, a cheeky smile on his face again, causing both to turn around with confused expressions. They looked at the brunet boy point to something above their heads that hang from the top of the doorway. “You guys weren’t exactly under it when you came in. But now you are!”

Looking up, they saw a little green mistletoe dangle harmlessly above them, eyes widening at not having noticed the offending object earlier. Celty hurriedly jabbed Shinra in the side for being perverted, and began typing on her PDA that the brunet was just joking around.

However, before she could finish the last sentence, Izaya was pulling Shizuo down by the collar of his shirt, still having to lean up just the slightest bit to make the distance smaller and smaller between them. A quick peck on the lips before they both separated had Shinra’s mouth dropping open and Celty’s shadows spewing out of her neck. The distinctive beeping of a clock in the kitchen that signaled it was the next day could be heard.

The blonde and the raven averted their eyes after that as they promptly walked out and closed the door behind them, leaving the two others behind in their surprise. Shinra mumbled out numbly several moments later in an awed stated of disbelief.

“It’s a Christmas miracle, Celty… I can’t believe my theory was right!”


	3. Game of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Game of Love  
> Day & Prompt: Day 2 (4/14): Valentine’s Day  
> Rating: T  
> Warnings(*please indicate if it’s sfw/nsfw): SFW  
> Side Pairings(if applicable): N/A  
> Summary: It was a game, and that was what it was always meant to be. The players being Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya. In a love game the one who falls first loses, right?

Falling, was not something Izaya did. With his adept agility and balance, falling was just not conceivable to the raven. He was quick with his reaction, swift with his feet, and graceful with his movements, there was no way the raven could fall. Though the physical way wasn’t the only version of falling, but his love was only for the whole of humanity, so there was no way he could fall emotionally either.

It’s what the crimson eyed male believed when Heiwajima Shizuo asked him out about 3 month ago during winter. It was with a flustered expression and an angry tone that the blonde hastily said, _“I… I-I think I like you, a lot! So please don’t be an ass and g-go out with me!”_ So that’s how Orihara Izaya, instead of being an ass, decided to be a boyfriend instead.

When it happened, he had been shocked for a split second, trying to hold his smirk in lest it split his face in half from these turn of events. Accepting with a simple ‘Ok’, Izaya was ecstatic at this opportunity. As unplanned as it was, there was no way the raven would waste this chance. He would date the infamous blonde and all his unpredictability and make him fall utterly in love with him, and then cut ties just like that, breaking him. With this sinister plan in mind, Izaya was sure that this would destroy the brute, and finally get rid of the only variable Izaya couldn’t control.

After all, in a love game the one who falls first loses, right? And Izaya never loses.

That’s what he thought at the moment though. But the more time he spent with the blonde, as repulsive as it was, the more comfortable he grew with how Shizuo smiled, with how Shizuo laughed, and with how Shizuo looked so content. This was a side he has never seen before, and with each new expression he was shown, Izaya began slipping just the tiniest bit on the chessboard.

They still had their fights though, but most were in good teasing nature and banter instead of with violent and murderous intent. The fear of dying from being crushed by a vending machine was nil now.

It was unusual, but the raven began focusing his attention more on Shizuo rather than his beloved humans most of the time. The excuse in his head being ‘he was just gathering intel on how to take down the person he hated the most in the entire world’.

Izaya knew that what he was doing was considered ‘horrible’ by the average human, that it was twisted and wrong and he should be ashamed of himself. But really, what he was really ashamed of was having to rein in his personality for the sake of appealing more to the other. However, eventually after he began growing more comfortable in the other’s presence, he let bits and pieces slip out unintentionally. It unnerved him even more that every time it happened, Shizuo would just nod and lightly smile at him, as if he was expecting it this the whole time. It was like the other was seeing right through his act, and accepting it, which was unacceptable in itself that such a monster had any right to accept him as if he was the abomination. It continued to frustrate him that the most time he spent, the less he was also able to keep control of his body’s reactions.

He chalked it off to being exposed too much to such an inhuman being.

That is, until Valentine’s Day had come, approximately 3 months later, with an unprecedented and unwanted surprise. The absolute destruction of the raven haired male.

It had started out as a relatively normal day, Izaya has become used to by now the way his heart would speed up just the slightest whenever he caught sight of the brute, how heat would rise to his face, and how his feet would become twitchy as if wanting to run, whether towards the blonde or away, he did not know. The raven wasn’t sure how long he would have to keep up this charade, but didn’t really if it was any longer.

When he opened his locker, a flock of cards had flowed out from love-struck fools that Izaya was long used to. It amused him greatly that his humans would flood him with such admiration, and then subsequently forget about him when he rejects them, moving on to the next person without a second thought. Izaya didn’t mind, in fact, it was thrilling that this happened every time.

However, by lunchtime, when he handed Shizuo the box of home made chocolates, he noticed the pile of other chocolates that some girls had given to the blonde out of obligation. Smirking, he’s heard of the whispers of how Shizuo was a lot more attractive now that he wasn’t angry and scary everyday. People are so inconstant, it’s so amusing.

Watching Shizuo stutter out a ‘Thanks’ as a blush crept on his face caused a strange giddy feeling to erupt in him as well. Sitting down next to the other, he watched carefully as the blonde popped one of the bites into his mouth, an immediate cringe gracing his face at the sudden bitter taste that danced in his mouth.

“It’s not sweet,” Shizuo stated intelligently, continuing to chew before swallowing.

Laughing at the response, Izaya explained with a teasing tone, “Half of them are bitter and half of them are sweet, you’ll have to try to guess which ones are the sweet ones though in order to eat them. It’ll be like a game!”

“Nah, it’s fine, that’s too complicated. I’m just gonna eat them all anyways, so there’s really no point in trying to guess,” he shrugged, taking another one from the box and eating it, pleased that this one was sweet.

Izaya frowned however. ‘ _How unpredictable,_ ’ he thought before quickly covering it up with a smirk. “Shizu-chan is no fun at all! I thought you didn’t like bitter things.”

“I don’t, but since you took time to make them, of course I’ll eat them.”

Pride swelled in his chest that the brute was intentionally ignoring the obligatory sugary treats from his female classmates that was on the ground by his side for the bitter chocolates that he concocted instead. A deep churning and twisting in his stomach accompanied that pride though, leaving Izaya nearly breathless at the heat rushing to his cheeks.

“Shizu-chan is so cheesy, haha. Hopefully you won’t forget to give me chocolates back on White day when you have all those other girls to worry about too,” the raven had joked, said to try to cover up how his feet were becoming twitchy again.

Stopping his chewing suddenly, a slightly offended expression replaced the content one on his face as he replied with all seriousness.

“Stop being ridiculous, I’ll never forget about you and nothing you do will ever push me away enough for me to do that, since I’m never going to leave you.”

Shizuo had probably said that on a whim, with no real thinking put into it, however, that means it was really was said in all earnest, all emotion and no thought, impulsive. Unpredictable. Realizing this, it made Izaya’s eyes widen even more, the thudding in his chest reaching an extremely painful level of fast, leaving his breath stuck in his throat and an aching in his body.

The twitchiness in his feet reached a point where he could no longer contain it, and didn’t have to any longer as the school bell rang to signal that class has started again. Izaya abruptly stood up, as fast as he could, stammering out a quickened, “I don’t want to be late,” he swiftly ran through the entrance to the roof, leaving behind Shizuo before the blonde could say anything in return.

The raven did not return to class though. He had ran to the nearest empty bathroom, meeting the cool wall on the inside and leaning against it. Clutching at the fabric on the left side of his chest to try to calm the racing of his heart, he looked at himself in the large mirror, taking in his dilated eyes, red ears, and tense body.

Covering his face, he scowled with desperateness. Choking on breathless gasps at suddenly realizing what the painful pounding in his heart was, an incomprehensible fear wracked his caving frame.

“I’m losing…”

‘ _I can’t let this continue._ ’


	4. Inevitable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Inevitable  
> Day & Prompt: Day 1 (4/13): Break Up  
> Rating: T  
> Warnings(*please indicate if it’s sfw/nsfw): SFW  
> Side Pairings(if applicable): Shinra/Celty (mention)  
> Summary: Perhaps if he wasn’t the way he was, and they didn’t met the way they did, maybe, just maybe, they wouldn’t have to end it like this. “I’m convinced I met the love of my life at the wrong time, what a tragedy that is.”

_“If you think you could just scare me off like that, then you’re terribly wrong. I’m not afraid of you, Shizu-chan. Never have and never will be.”_

Izaya remembered those words well. They echoed through his head daily. Over and over, it was a non-stop mantra. He remembered how rough lips touched his in a heated passion. He remembered the way his hands felt holding him close, and how the world seemed to stop for an ephemeral eternity. He remembered every detail on that brute’s body, from his hair and face to his feet and toes. He remembered everything in such a way that it seemed more like he couldn’t forget anything, no matter how hard he tried.

Scowling with eyes shut tight, he buried his head deeper into his arms, sitting on his unmade bed with his legs tucked up.

‘ _Where did it all go wrong?’_ A saccharine voice asked as his mind began to wander aimlessly.

‘ _Where did it all begin to fail?_ ’It continued, unrelenting.

‘ _It was doomed from the beginning,_ ’ he answered himself. The voice wasn’t an ‘it’; the voice was a ‘he’. It was his own voice asking, and therefore it was own voice answering.

‘ _Why? What went wrong?_ ’

‘ _I did._ ’

He and Shizuo had broken up two weeks ago. They had dated for about half a year, until it came to a sudden end. Not due to something as trivial a fight, they had those daily, all in good nature. No, it was due to something much pettier or perhaps not so insignificant, since it dealt with the feelings of one Orihara Izaya.

Yes, Orihara Izaya dumped Heiwajima Shizuo two weeks ago after school out of cowardice and incomprehensible fear.

The altercation in itself, however, showed none of those emotions. Instead, it showed a much crueler sight.

_“You’re…breaking up with me… Aren’t you…?” Shizuo said emotionlessly, his face blank and void of any feelings. The question was more of a statement than the other way around. This reaction unnerved Izaya as he swallowed the lump in his throat, refusing to let the immaculate smirk fall from his lips. He convinced himself that this had to be done, that this relationship was too risky and highly incompatible. That the circumstances weren’t right, that they weren’t right._

_‘What is he feeling? I can’t tell, I can’t tell at all. I can’t predict what he’ll do’ He screamed inside his head, feeling the hairs on the nape of his neck stand up as a single shiver ran down his spine._

_Coolly, without a crack in his mask, he replied with a curt, “Yes, I am.”_

_“Why? Is it my fault? Did I do something wrong?”_

_“Of course it is, it’s because Shizu-chan’s such a monster that I couldn’t stand being with him any longer,” he immediately said hastily, tone cold and mocking, but those scathing words couldn’t be any farther from the truth. Usually, when Izaya told lies, they were smooth and said without a second thought, but this one caused a painful constriction of his chest and a pounding of blood in his ears. If Shizuo had stood any closer, perhaps he would have seen how Izaya’s breathing was labored and uneven. That he was lying, but perhaps maybe not, Izaya couldn’t tell._

_“…”_

_“It’s obviously all Shizu-chan’s fault, haha, I mean did you honestly think this was a serious relationship? I was just playing with you the whole time, but I’m bored now so you’re useless to me. Try not to take it too hard, it’s your fault for actually believing that anybody would want to be with someone like you,” Izaya continued, his voice mocking and merciless, trying to get a reaction, any reaction, out of the other. “You’re not human, and therefore I can never love you. You’re a monster, and I will only ever hate you with all my being.”_

_Still nothing. Shizuo was just standing there, as still as a statue, his head bowed and bangs covering his eyes. His lips were in a thin line, and his fists were clenched. His shoulders weren’t shaking and there was no anger emanating from his body, however._

_‘I can’t read him. I can’t read him. He’s unpredictable. I can’t understand him. Inhuman. I can’t read him. I can’t love him. Monster. There’s no way. I’ll be killed in the end. I’m going to die.’_

_“You’re really the worst,” He said, unsure of whether he was addressing himself or Shizuo, “I don’t ever want to see you again, so stay away from me and I’ll stay away from you, ne?” The raven turned around and began striding away, trying to keep his steps light and casual, but with each foot, it felt as if a pound was being added into the soles of his shoes. His body, his heart, was screaming at him to turn back, to take it all back, to tell the blonde that it was a lie, that it wasn’t his fault, it could never be. However, his mind pushed on, trampling over both hearts, until he was completely out of the other’s sight._

_‘I’m not going to turn back. If I do, that means I regret what I just did, and I can’t possibly have something like that become my past and then my God.’_

Days passed, and for ever single one of them ever since he broke up with the other, he’s been locked up in his house, in his room, in no mood to go to school. It wasn’t like he needed to worry about his grades, and his attendance never bothered him. He was staying home because he refused to see Shizuo; he never wanted to see the blonde’s face ever again. He wasn’t ready, his heart felt like it’s shattering and his stomach felt like it was turning inside out. He was a complete mess and he knew it.

The raven haired man knew, from the moment he said that it was Shizuo’s fault they were breaking up, that the true culprit was actually himself, a man with a terribly fragile heart that he deplored with all his being.

“I was the one that broke up with him, yet I’m the one grieving and wishing it never happened. I’m such a coward, haha, I’m such a coward that it’s laughable, really! Who am I even trying to fool here?” He rasped out, chuckling weakly.

‘ _Yourself,_ ’ the voice responded.

“Ah, I’m convinced I met the love of my life at the wrong time, what a tragedy that is.”


	5. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Memories   
> Day & Prompt: Day 3 (4/15): Kindergarten  
> Rating: G  
> Warnings(*please indicate if it’s sfw/nsfw): SFW  
> Side Pairings(if applicable): N/A   
> Summary: Remembering his childhood always brought new revelations every time, and sometimes some of those revelations weren’t always pleasant.

It was while he was in kindergarten, Shizuo believes, when he truly met the raven-haired boy. But don’t be confused, the meeting in high school was also their first meeting, because it was different, it was too distorted, too twisted, the crimson-eyed boy then was not the same as the one he saw before him when they were still young and uncorrupted by the world. It was like they were entirely two separate people, both of them. Therefore, they were both first meetings.

It was on his first day in kindergarten, the school bell had rung, signaling the end of classes. The brunet boy, knowing his dad was busy at work and his mom was busy at home taking care of his baby brother, decided to walk home by himself in order to not cause them any trouble. He kind of remembered the way when his dad sent him this morning before leaving for work, but he also kind of…did not remember too.

Turns out, he didn’t remember it after all, as he was lost now. Very, very, lost. He had never been to this park before and it was bustling with too may strangers that he was taught to never trust.

Wandering through the crowds, he eventually came to a small clearing covered in trees at the center of the square area. Another boy, about the same age as himself with jet black hair and a small frame, sat near the edge, red eyes focused and looking about, as if watching the to and fro of all the people around him. Eventually, his crimson orbs met the amber ones of Shizuo’s. They stared at each other, blank and curious.

He began to approach the other, chest pounding as he wondered if the raven boy was lost too If so, ‘ _why does he look so calm?_ ’

“U-Uhm…Hi! C-Can I sit next to you…?” Shizuo mumbled out, looking at the other on the bench. He was trying to seek some comfort at not being the only one in this predicament.

“Sure. I don’t mind,” he replied, scooting over. He smiled invitingly as he patted the seat next to him.

“T-Thanks…” Pushing himself up and swinging his short legs that didn’t touch the ground yet, he glanced over at the raven, seeing him staring at him too.

“You’re lost, aren’t you? I’m guessing you’ve never been to this part of the city,” he said calculative, smiling understandingly, but it was a little bit unnerving, the smile looked somewhat fake. Shizuo was shocked, having been found out so early on.

“Yeah! How did you know?”

He laughed softly, “Your face is like an open book for your emotions, it’s pretty obvious.”

Shizuo became flustered, about to defend himself, even though what the raven haired boy said was true. Opening his mouth, his retort never even left his throat as the other continued.

“Don’t worry though, I’m sure that someone is looking for you right now.”

“Is someone looking for you too?” The brunet asked, still believing that the other boy was lost like him. Why else would he be here after all?

Shaking his head, wisps of black hair danced across his face, he replied wistfully, “No one’s looking for me. I think they’ve forgotten about me already.”

“H-Huh!? Really? That’s really mean and terrible!”

“Haha, not really, it’s a very human thing to do. I’m kind of quiet and ordinary looking, as I’ve been told, so a lot of people overlook me because I don’t really stand out. You’re actually the first one to approach in the 4 hours I’ve been here.”

“That’s really sad…” His eyebrows scrunched up and a pout formed on his lips. It must have been horrible to be all alone like that.

“I’m sure that once we part, you’ll forget about me too, just like I’ll probably forget about you. I try to remember as many faces as I can, but I still end up forgetting some… Ah, what a shame!”

“That’s not true! I’ll remember you! I definitely will, so let’s be fr—!”

“Shizuo-kun!” A female shout cut his sentence off. An older woman with crisp brown hair quickly ran forward towards the two of them.

“Mom!” Shizuo said in surprise, completely forgetting what he was going to say as he jumped off the wooden bench to leap into his mother’s arms.

“I was so worried about you! Don’t ever scare me like that again! I knew you would get lost; you always have your rights and lefts confused. Come on, let’s go home before it gets dark, I still have to make dinner,” she reprimanded half-heartedly, already carrying him through the crowd.

Wrapping his arms around her neck and pushing his face into the crook, he mumbled his apology, before realizing that he completely left the other boy with him. When he looked back up, he couldn’t see him through the throngs of people. But if Shizuo did, he would’ve seen the crimson-eyed male waving goodbye with a wry smile.

True to the raven’s words, they eventually forgot about each other and didn’t meet again until high school, when everything had already changed permanently. Shizuo’s claim of remembering proved to be a lie, his sentence forever left unfinished. Perhaps, if Shizuo had asked for his name, he wouldn’t have forgotten about the raven. But perhaps maybe not too. He was never good with names, but hearing his mom tell stories of the past made him suddenly remember that encounter again. Foggy and blurry, he was unsure if they were actually the same person even.

However, what he did know was that Orihara Izaya was not a name one would forget easily. And the thought that they could’ve been friends, when everything was still normal, is a ‘what if’ he wished wasn’t just a ‘what if’.


	6. Inhuman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Inhuman  
> Day & Prompt: Day 3 (4/15): Regrets  
> Rating: T  
> Warnings(*please indicate if it’s sfw/nsfw): SFW  
> Side Pairings(if applicable): N/A  
> Summary: In the end, the one regret that we all have, is about ourselves.

Regret. It is a feeling that everyone has. It’s said that every human has at least one in their lifetime, no matter how miniscule it was to others.

Except Orihara Izaya.

When trying to think of something he deeply regretted, nothing really popped into his mind. Lying in the darkness of his room, he tried to contemplate if he really did have any, in a futile attempt to hopefully feel more human.

However, one’s regrets becomes one’s past, and that will become their God. The notion that someone like the raven had a God was almost implausible. Almost, not quite. There were times when he wished he had done things differently, but chalked it off as a human that surpassed his expectations’ fault, and his mind suppressed it there after.

The coldness and pitch blackness of his room gave his mind a lot of free time to think about all his actions in the past. The numb tranquility was refreshing, to say the least.

Perhaps his regret would be not making any friends in elementary school. But that wasn’t something that ever really bothered him that much.

Perhaps it’s meeting Shinra, his first and only friend since middle school, which eventually led him to throw away his peaceful observer lifestyle. If he didn’t take an interest in the brunet, would anything be different? He tries focusing his mind on that possibility, but it seems so far now, that past. The raven would have eventually gotten tired of that way of life too, wouldn’t he have? Even if he had said that he would’ve continued like that if Shinra didn’t pester him, would he really never have changed? After all, how much can you actually trust your past self?

‘ _I don’t think you actually changed that much. You just began showing your inner self more than before,_ ’ the dark corners of his room whispered, or was it the dark corners of his mind? He really couldn’t tell anymore.

Clicking his tongue, he nodded, rubbing at his tired eyes, feeling the deep bags underneath them. Hearing that statement, Izaya couldn’t help but agree. Did he even really change? From five to fifteen, he was essentially still the same, in looks, in hobbies, in ideals, in obsessions.

Laughing weakly, voice hoarse from unuse, he sighed at that prospect. What he loved about humans were that they were inconstant, that they were ever changing and ever evolving, and had the ability to exceed their limitations. He, however, did not consider himself human, well not entirely, as he’s been the same as he always has been. He sought to change the events around him, to give himself the delusion of amusement, but none of the things he’s ever done caused him to change.

What a shame, really.

He sight exasperately. Closing his eyes, he saw a flash of blonde hair, and immediately his heavy lids shot open again. This has been happening every time he tried to sleep. Scowling at having remembered the brute again, he gritted his teeth until his jaw began to ache. He didn’t want to go down this lane, he really didn’t, but his mind just seemed to naturally dwindle into it.

Izaya thinks, just maybe, as unbelievable as it was, that Shizuo is his regret, and subsequently his God. What made his stomach and chest reel even more was that it wasn’t meeting Shizuo that was his regret, it was breaking up with the blonde that was.

Repulsive. Inconceivable. Deplorable.

To be in this state of disarray, this was truly pathetic of the raven.

Covering his head with his pillow, he knew there was a missing link, something that would fit into place and suddenly everything would be clear. He also knew that his mind was probably blocking it out, the truth apparently something he unconsciously knew he couldn’t handle. But curiosity killed the cat, so he has to know.

He thinks that maybe Shinra and Shizuo would’ve known instantly if they were to see him now, which unnerved Izaya even more, that he couldn’t figure himself out as well as those two could.

How ironic, really.

‘ _I’ll give you a hint, what do all 3 regrets you listed have in common?_ ’ The voice supplied helpfully. He wonders if this voice was actually his subconscious that he personified in his sad moment of distress. What a terrible way to deal with grief.

Face blank, he thinks maybe he’s going crazy.

“They’re all relationships of some kind,” the raven states factually, voice monotone and face blank, not liking where this was going.

‘ _Correction, they’re all relationships that failed. And the cause is the same for each one._ ’

As if the gears all clicked into place, his eyes widened at the sudden revelation. This time he couldn’t help but throw his head back, hitting the headboard, as a manic laugh erupted from his throat, painful and coarse with understanding.

“I get it, I get it finally! It makes so much sense that I can just vomit right now!”

In the end, his one regret consisted of three incidents, the first one being his decision to not make any friends, the second being his decision to become friends with Shinra, and the third being his decision to break up with Heiwajima Shizuo.

“Ah, what I really regret is my personality, and how I fucked it up with how much of a coward I am. This truly is pathetic, this useless fear of mine…!”

In the end, his one regret was his fragile soul, the one that barred itself from human feelings like love and betrayal in an attempt to protect itself. So whenever anyone got close, he’ll always end up pushing them away.

What a pity, really…


	7. Realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Realization  
> Day & Prompt: Day 4 (4/16): “If you really want to I’ll let you go.”  
> Rating: T  
> Warnings(*please indicate if it’s sfw/nsfw): SFW  
> Side Pairings(if applicable): N/A  
> Summary: Sometimes a relationship ends for good reason, and sometimes it ends over something a trivial as being scare. But perhaps maybe it isn’t trivial for that same reason.

The first thought that went through his head was, “Fuck. I screwed up again somehow.”

Standing in the back of the school building, approximately 3 weeks after Valentine’s Day, and seemingly out of no where, Izaya broke up with him.

To be honest, he had been expecting it, for something bad to happen. Izaya had been acting weird for the past weeks, averting eye contact and avoiding the blonde. Whenever Shizuo asked if they wanted to hang out after school, the raven would say he had something to do instead, with a heavy voice. Izaya didn’t smile anymore or smirk or anything at all, there were bags under his eyes and he seemed to be less energetic than usual. The blonde was worried, unsure if he should confront the other about it, wondering that if he pestered too much, would Izaya get annoyed. Perhaps he just needed some space to think.

Apparently all that thinking led to this outcome. The universe really does hate Shizuo. Or maybe he just hates himself.

Asking why, the venom laced words that exited Izaya’s was nothing short of scathing. In fact, it felt like his heart was being ripped out. From broken bones and open wounds, this was definitely the worse pain he has ever felt in his entire life. He would much rather get ran over by a truck again than be dealing with this.

Fists balled up, eyes staring blankly at the floor, he couldn’t even get angry. Everything the other was saying was true, logical, Shizuo himself even knew that what they had going was too good to be true. The one at fault being himself, he was too much of a monster.

When he heard retreating footsteps, he looked up, watching the small frame walk farther and farther until he disappeared around the corner. And suddenly the world just started to look so much blander, duller, from Shizuo’s eyes.

It didn’t fully sink in until he was in his room at home, alone now and forever. Gritting his teeth, he stood in the middle of his dark room, and reaching up, he curled his fingers around his hair and screamed as loud as he could. Nobody was home now, but he was sure that the next door neighbors could hear him. Collapsing onto his bed, he covered his burning eyes with his palms, pressing hard into them to stop the wetness from leaking out in vain.

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed like that, still and without a sound. He didn’t even hear the front door unlock, and only realized his kid brother was home when he heard a gentle knock and an emotionless voice.

“Nii-san… Are you ok?” Kasuka asked, as if he was already suspecting something went terribly wrong, especially upon seeing his brother’s shoes at the entrance but no sign of the other saying welcome home.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he breathed out slowly, chest heavy and stomach churning, “…Yes.”

It still came out hoarse, tired, and dead. Though Shizuo couldn’t care much right now; nothing really seemed to matter anymore. Or maybe he himself didn’t seem to matter anymore.

He heard his brother’s retreating footsteps, and the blonde felt internally thankful Kasuka didn’t pry anymore, but also internally reminded of the sound of Izaya’s footsteps going farther and farther away.

The soreness in his body seemed never ending.

Shizuo did not go to school the next day. Or the day after that. For an entire week and a half.

He knew his parents were worried, but he really couldn’t care about school anymore, not when Izaya would be there, already moved on as if nothing had happened. If it wasn’t for Kasuka urging him to go when Friday of the second week came, he wouldn’t have gone.

The school felt too cheery, too bright, and too damn annoying. How was it that everyone was so happy? He felt tired and bitter, angry at himself and everyone around him. However, there wasn’t enough energy or fucks given to get violent anymore. What good would that do even? He’ll just be called a monster by others more.

It wasn’t until lunchtime, where he was sitting on the rooftop, arm over his head and ready to sink into the ground, that everything changed. He hadn’t seen Izaya yet all day, and he won’t know what to do if he did. Hearing footsteps going up the stairs, his body stiffened, remembering that this was where Izaya and he usually went. He felt cold sweat in his palms and the hairs on the nape of his neck standing up.

When they stopped at the doorway entrance, Shizuo was ready to throw himself off the roof, or maybe throw Izaya off the roof, and then jump down too, but what greeted him was a different voice than he expected.

“Shizuo-kun!! Hey! I knew I could find you here, how have you been? I haven’t seen you for an entire two weeks!”

“Shinra. Leave. I’m not in the mood to talk…” The blonde said brusquely, not moving, not reacting, and definitely not wanting to deal with the brunet and his incessant ramblings.

“Yeah, I could see that, but I really do need to talk to you!”

“Leave. Now.”

The sound of an exasperated sigh reached his ears as the bespectacled teen cleared his throat. Voice suddenly serious, his previous quirky demeanor gone without a warning, he spoke sternly, “Shizuo. I didn’t want to tell you this since he didn’t want me to, but Kasuka-kun called me.”

“…”

“He asked me to talk to you, since I’m the mutual friend, and filled me in on what he thought happened, which is what exactly I think happened too. Ne, Shizuo… You and Izaya broke up, didn’t you…?”

Still nothing. Shizuo refused to respond, not wanting to be reminded of the raven ever again.

“Ok, you don’t have to talk, just hear me out ok. You probably haven’t seen Izaya yet—”

“Stop.”

“No, no, it’s not like, you probably haven’t seen Izaya yet because he hasn’t come to school either for about the past two weeks too. He’s still absent today as we speak.”

This perked Shizuo’s attention however. Removing the arm over his eyes, he sat up sluggishly and meeting the small smug smile of the one sitting across from him, he grunted curiously as a signal for the other to go on.

“Just as I expected, alright, as I was saying, Izaya hasn’t gone to school ever since you two broke up either. Now before I can continue, can you please tell me everything that happened so I can confirm my theory?”

Scoffing, Shizuo replied, “What’s there to know, the bastard broke up with me after acting weird for weeks…”

“When did he exactly start acting weird?”

“Valentine’s day,” he swallowed harshly.

“Mhmmmm, what happened, do you remember anything else?” Shinra implored, nodding understandingly.

“Uhm, it was after he gave me chocolates and joked that I better not forget to get him some for white day, and I said that I would never forget about him so he should stop saying such stupid shit.”

Eyebrows shooting up, a smile broke out on Shinra’s face. “I was right after all!”

“Huh? Right about what?” Shizuo growled. Why was he so damn cheery? “What are you talking—”

“Did he say anything weird when you two were breaking up?” Shinra cut him off, adjusting his glasses and eagerly leaning in closer.

Frowning, the blonde replied, annoyed, “I don’t really want to talk about it—”

“I really need to know, if you truly still love Izaya, you’ll tell me!”

Taken aback, he sighed, relenting, telling his childhood friend everything that took place, word by word. The memory was engraved into his brain, the last time he was ever going to see Orihara Izaya. Afterwards, Shinra just continued nodding and a knowing look appeared on his face.

“Just as I suspected, you probably didn’t notice since you’re so focused on what happened instead of what he said. I think his words didn’t even sink in all the way for you so, I’m going to point it out to you!” The light glinted off his glasses as he continued. “To quote him, ‘I don’t ever want to see you again, so stay away from me and I’ll stay away from you, ne?’ Do you honestly think Izaya would say something like that? If he truly didn’t care, he would probably tease you and want to see your pained expression every day. So for him to say this, doesn’t it mean that he does care and doesn’t want to see you because he’s affected by the breakup too, even though he was the one that did it? _”_

Eyes widening, Shizuo didn’t respond, letting it replay in his mind in full detail instead of trying to blur it out and forget about it.

“You also most likely don’t know this, so I’ll tell you this tidbit too. You see, Izaya doesn’t really have many personal relationships, not because he’s socially incapable, but because he’s afraid of being hurt, the worst kind of coward… I think he closed off his heart to protect himself since he’s so weak. When you told him that on Valentine’s, I think he started feeling the worst pain in the whole universe, the feeling of actual love. So he ended it to stop it, but that’s not how love works.”

Shaking his head, he sighed disappointedly at the raven’s actions.

“And not to undermine your feelings or anything like that, but I think Izaya is probably suffering more than you right now, so you should really go talk to him.”

Not even waiting for Shinra to finish his sentence, Shizuo already bolted to his feet, practically leaping through the door. The wind rushed past his face as he left the school grounds, his legs felt shaky, but this was the fastest Shizuo has ever run before.

Seeing the familiar streets and turns, a mere five minutes later, his harsh breathing and the pounding of blood was the only things he could here as he stood in front of Izaya’s house, staring at the locked door.

Knocking three times consecutively, he waited for a response, but nothing came, however, the heavy smell of flea only confirmed to Shizuo that he was present in there. He knocked again, harder. Still no answer. So figuring Izaya either knew he was there and was purposely avoiding opening the door, or didn’t want to get the door no matter who was there, he began clearing his voice, deciding to talk through all the obstacles.

“Izaya!” He said loudly. He briefly heard a small muffled crash from somewhere on the second floor before everything went silent again.

“You don’t have to open the door, but at least listen to what I have to say.”

He heard soft footsteps walk to the front of the door, and a snarky voice reply, though it was too tired and too hoarse, so he knew instantly it was another act.

“Shizu-chan… Didn’t I tell you that I don’t ever want to see you again? So go away—”

“You’re not seeing me, that’s why I told you don’t have to open the door.”

The blonde could sense that the other was annoyed at being cut off. “I don’t want to listen to whatever you have to say either. If it’s about getting back together, you can just forget it—”

Balling his fists up, he cut the other off again, shouting the ultimatum with as much might as he could.

“If you really want to, I’ll let you go! I’ll forget about you. Forever.” 


	8. Redemption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Redemption  
> Day & Prompt: Day 4 (4/16): “Me and you? We’re simply not cut out for this lovers thing.”  
> Rating: T  
> Warnings(*please indicate if it’s sfw/nsfw): SFW  
> Side Pairings(if applicable): N/A  
> Summary: Everyone makes mistakes, everyone gets hurt, the imprtant thing is being able to pick up the broken pieces and put them back together again.

Hearing _his_ voice, Izaya, who had been trying to get up from his bed to go to the bathroom, tripped unceremoniously and fell forward, the blanket wrapped around his body cushioning his landing. Heart beating wildly already, he hadn’t heard the other say his name in what felt like an eternity. He broke out in cold sweat as the other continued to speak. He needed them to go away, or everything that he’s done up to this point would be for naught.

Getting up shakily, he softly trudged to the front door. He knew his voice was tired and hoarse when he told the other to go away, but he hoped the blonde didn’t notice through the wood.

Much to Izaya’s chagrin, they refused, and with a heavy sigh, he mustered up his strength again to tell them this is useless, even though all he wanted was to open the only wall between them and jump into Shizuo’s embrace again. He wanted it so much that he could vomit, if there was any food in his stomach still. This was utterly disgusting.

“I don’t want to listen to whatever you have to say either. If it’s about getting back together, you can just forget it—”

Before Izaya could finish, the brute cut him off abruptly, yelling something that caused the raven’s heart to drop to his feet.

“If you really want to, I’ll let you go! I’ll forget about you. Forever.”

Eyes widened in fear and shock, a lump formed in his throat that he couldn’t swallow down. His stomach was turning itself inside out as nausea settled in, his lungs seemed to stop working as he couldn’t breathe anymore, and his body tensed as if ready to take a punch. However, this was something that would hurt way more than any punch, even Shizuo’s punches.

He wanted to yell back ‘No!’ He wanted to scream ‘Don’t you ever dare forget about me!’ And he especially wanted to shout ‘It’s not fair that you can forget about me when I can’t forget about you!’ But he didn’t.

His throat was closed up and not a word could get out, his breathing had picked up again fast, and he could only choke out little gasps between uneven breaths. Even if he could speak, he hardly believed that he would have said any of those statements anyways. What a useless pride he had. What a useless fear.

When nothing but silence greeted Shizuo, he continued in his low and baritone voice.

“I’ve been thinking… And Shinra finally filled in the gaps for me, but… You don’t really wanna break up, do you? You’re scared, aren’t you? Of what you’re feeling.”

“…”

“If you truly do though, just say it, and I really will let you go.”

“I…I-I…” Izaya couldn’t get the next word out. ‘Do’ was refusing to exit his mouth as his mind was wracked with incomprehensible panic and fear. What was worse? Opening up his heart or letting Shizuo forget about him? What would destroy him more, the pain of love or the inability to let go of the blonde? Both were terrible fates.

“I know I’m really stupid, so if you don’t tell me how you feel, I won’t figure it out sometimes.”

Collapsing against the door with a hard thump, he slid down until he was sitting, leaning heavily against the hard surface.

“Izaya?” Shizuo said urgently. “Izaya, are you ok?”

Voice weak, he responded, “…Me and you? We’re simply not cut out for this… This lovers thing. Never will be…” Eyes shutting tight from the lie, he pushed on, “So obviously I….do…” He finally gasped out, and he could feel his chest grow empty, his heart having been shattered. Who knew that the person most detrimental to your health was yourself.

Silence, the other side is silent, and Izaya thinks that perhaps they really have left, forever. He tilted his head up and could feel the sting of tears threatening to fall down. He was about to break out into broken hysterical laughter when he suddenly heard an awful cracking sound from behind him. Suddenly, the wooden frame that he was leaning on wasn’t there anymore and the feeling of air rushing past him made his realize that this was the sensation of falling, physically this time though.

Instead of meeting concrete ground, he landed against two sturdy legs. His shoulders stiffened and the hairs on the nape of his neck stood up. Slowly looking up, he felt relief and dread pool into his chest and stomach at the same time.

“You know, the more I’m around you, the more I realize how terrible of a liar you actually are.”

There Shizuo stood, the door to his house above his head, before he quickly tossed it aside in order to crouch down and hold the raven against his chest. Their erratic heartbeats could be felt and a harsh red entered their faces.

Trying to move out of the embrace, Izaya could feel his limbs going numb from the aching reverberating through his chest to the rest of his body. Biting his bottom lip to keep from saying anything unnecessary, he squeezed his eyes shut, lest the wet buildup fall down freely from the side.

“I don’t care if we’re not cut out for it… We don’t need to be for it to happen…” Shizuo said, wrapping his arms gently around Izaya’s abdomen, and pushing his head into the crook in between the raven’s neck and shoulder. Izaya could feel the warm breaths of air against his skin from Shizuo. “I… I really missed you.”

Letting go of his tight grasp on the blanket wrapped around his body, his resolve breaking at those words, he quickly turned around and wrapped his arms around the blonde, returning the hug, his hands clutching onto the other’s back as if his life depended on it. He buried his face into the crook of Shizuo’s neck and shoulder and a single cry echoed out in the form of a whimper before Shizuo felt a wet feeling seep into the cloth. He didn’t seem to mind though as his embraced tightened too.

“S-Sorry, I’m really sorry…! I-I take, back everything that…I s-said before…! I really missed you t-too…”

This was probably the only time in history Orihara Izaya ever apologized.


	9. Commitment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Commitment  
> Day & Prompt: Day 5 (4/17): First Date  
> Rating: T  
> Warnings(*please indicate if it’s sfw/nsfw): SFW  
> Side Pairings(if applicable): N/A  
> Summary: The past does not define a person, and everyone has the ability to change.

Dating. It was a concept that Izaya never thought he’ll experience in his life. Not because he wouldn’t be able to get a date, he knew many girls that would kill to go out with him. No, it was because he would never actually date any of them. To date one human is the same as to say he only loved one human, which is the farthest thing from true. He loved all of humanity, after all.

However, now it was different. Sitting in the park in the shade of a dozen trees, he looked down, seeing Shizuo’s sleeping face on his lap. They have been dating for over a year now after solving the problems between them, and the end of their final year in high school was nearing. This was god-knows-how-many-th date, and while the gently breeze blew through the air, the raven leaned his head back and began to recall how different his intentions were on their first date compared to now.

When Orihara Izaya accepted Heiwajima Shizuo’s confession at the beginning of their high school life, he did it because he knew perfectly well it would not destroy his love for all of humanity, because the brute was a monster. And because he was a monster, there would be no love between them, therefore none of the crimson-eyed male’s ideals would not be compromised.

Yes, the raven started dating the monster in order to destroy them., even if the reason changed later on.

It was on the weekend, a couple of days after they became a couple, when they went on their first date. Dressed in casual clothes consisting of black jeans, low-cut shirt, and a parka, Izaya stood waiting in front of a little café for Shizuo to come. When he finally caught sight of the other in blue jeans, a white button-up shirt, and a gray jacket, he couldn’t help but think that they were horribly mismatched.

Waving them over, Izaya put on a false smile, greeting the other’s genuine flustered smile. Going into the café, nicely decorated with soft pastels and an inviting aroma of pastries, they had picked a nice empty table in the corner of the shop. Izaya especially liked this spot, being able to view all the other humans that were also in here, and seeing how they all interacted with each other.

When the waiter came by to take their orders, Izaya had requested a simple black coffee while Shizuo said a milkshake with a slice of strawberry shortcake. When the raven heard the order at first, he had to stifle his laughter at how childish it was.

“W-What?” The blonde questioned, seeing Izaya’s shaking shoulders and badly concealed snickers.

“Shizu-chan has the same taste in food as a child,” he chuckled out, eyes gleaming with amusement.

“So what if I do, if it’s good, it’s good!” He defended, cheeks tinting a light pink. He was thankful that the waiter came back at that moment, lest it get anymore embarrassing for him.

After that, they ate in comfortable silence. Izaya had been sipping occasionally at his black coffee, enjoying the bitter taste while looking at all the other occupants, before noticing the blonde staring at him perturbed.

“Is something wrong, Shizu-chan?”

“Mmm, it’s just that… Are you sure you don’t want anything else?” He inquired in reference to the raven’s lonesome order. “You can have a bite of my cake if you want.”

“That won’t be necessary, Shizu-chan—” The raven began, but shut his mouth as soon as a fork filled with that sugary substance started nearing his mouth.

“Here, just try it,” the blonde insisted.

Seeing Shizuo’s expectant gaze, Izaya sighed, relenting, as he opened his mouth. Having the monster feeding him was a blow to his ego, but this needed to be done to fool the other. When the taste of the strawberry and the cream touched his tongue, he almost instantly retched. But being Orihara Izaya, he kept his composed mask in place, chewing and swallowing it quickly.

“How can you eat something so sweet?” He asked as soon as he was done, taking a swift sip of the dark bitter liquid to get rid of the sickly sugary taste. “Shizu-chan’s taste buds must all be dead by now!”

“Hey! I didn’t say anything when you ordered just black coffee! Who even has coffee plain like that? It’s your taste buds that are dead by now!” Shizuo retorted, skeptically wondering how the raven could even drink something so bitter and just _not sweet_.

They continued with this idle banter until they left the humble shop, going to the nearby park, and sitting on the wooden bench, relaxing. The raven haired male continued focusing more on the people walking to and fro around them rather than Shizuo. However, he was acutely aware that the brute was staring at him the entire time.

When the sun started to set, and it was time for them to part, Shizuo and Izaya walked to the place where they would have to split up to go to their separate homes.

Rubbing the back of his head, and averting his eyes, Shizuo began saying goodbye to the raven.

“U-Uhm, I know it wasn’t much, but I had a really nice time, s-so thanks for agreeing to come today…” He muttered out.

Izaya simply smiled, a perfectly crafted one, and curtly responded, “Likewise. I’ll see you tomorrow at school then, bye.”

As he began to turn and walk away, the brute called out suddenly, stopping him in his tracks as he turned his head to look back.

“W-Wait! I know this might be a bit early, but this is honestly how I feel when I say…” Straightening up, Shizuo looked directly into the other’s eyes, amber meeting crimson red, making the biggest declaration in every relationship ever out of nowhere. “I love you.”

“…”

“…”

They stayed like that, staring at each other in awkward silence for what felt way longer than it actually was, before Izaya turned back around, waving behind him as he continued to walk.

“You’re right, it is a bit too early, but thanks for the sentiment, Shizu-chan.”

Remembering all that, Izaya frowned in the present at his past behavior. Who knew that a couple of years could change a person so much? Well, at least their intentions and situation, because now Izaya was staring only at Shizuo in a relatively isolated place, in the same peaceful silence that they always liked as they continued to be horribly mismatched in the best possible way.

Stroking Shizuo’s hair and massaging their scalp from where the blonde’s head lay on his lap, the raven realized that he had never said those three special words back. He was sure that he didn’t need to, that Shizuo knew how he felt already probably, but he wondered if it ever bothered the taller male. However, those three words, as miniscule as they might seem, were probably the hardest words to say, especially for someone like Orihara Izaya, the epitome of trust issues and cowardice.

Sighing heavily, he furrowed his brows, wondering if he could say them or not, he looked down again at the sleeping brute, the man he did care deeply for, and decided that it was a commitment he was willing to accept. He felt a bit bad to say it while the other was unconscious, but he didn’t think he’ll be able to muster up the courage to say it to them when they’re awake. He’ll just have to admit the commitment of those words to himself first, before he does to the other later on. Smiling contently, he whispered.

“I know this might be a bit late, but this is honestly how I feel when I say…” Taking a deep breath, he pushed on, “I love you.”

Not expecting an answer, the raven nearly jumped out of his skin when a deep baritone voice answered him back.

“You’re right, it is a bit too late, but thanks for the sentiment, flea.”

“Shizu-chan! You’re awake!?” He yelled out, ears beginning to tint red, feeling his face burn. “You remember what I said back then too??”

“Mmmhm, I woke up when you started playing with my hair, and of course I do, it was our first date, after all.”

 _‘Unpredictable! You’re supposed to have bad memory!_ ’ Izaya blanched internally, his heart racing a mile a minute as he tried to come up with an excuse, but stopped when he heard the other chuckle softly. Leaning up, he gently kissed the surprised raven, before pulling back and smiling wide as if his whole day, no, his whole week was made.

“I love you too.”


	10. Proposal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Proposal  
> Day & Prompt: Day 5 (4/17): Rainy Days  
> Rating: T  
> Warnings(*please indicate if it’s sfw/nsfw): SFW  
> Side Pairings(if applicable): N/A  
> Summary: Rainy days are not always gloomy, and not always dismal, sometimes bad weather makes people realize how bright the future would be.

Pitter patter, pitter patter, the sound of the rain splashed against the ground, dousing everything in a torrent of water. Standing at the entrance of the school, watching the other students leave to go home, some with umbrellas or raincoats and some just screaming and running through the downpour, Shizuo inwardly cursed at having forgotten to bring his umbrella. He even watched the weather forecast last night telling him that there was an 80% of rain today, and yet he still left it in his house.

Usually Shizuo wouldn’t give two shits about walking through the rain without an umbrella, the cold splash of water felt calming against his warm skin, but it was different now. He and Izaya had gotten back together, having gotten over the problems that cause their first breakup, and were dating once again. And this didn’t change, not even after a whole year passed and they were now in their final year of high school.

So the reason why Shizuo inwardly cursed himself for forgetting to bring the umbrella was because Izaya would get wet too. The raven male had also watched the forecast yesterday and texted Shizuo, telling him that there was only one functioning umbrella at his house so he was going to give it to his younger twin sisters to use and for Shizuo to bring his so they could share.

However, it seems it was for naught.

Trying to think up how to tell the other, Shizuo heard soft footsteps walk up from behind him, and before he even turned around, he knew who it was already.

“Hey, Shizu-chan, I had to run an errand, thanks for waiting,” Izaya said, smirking casually, standing there with his hands behind his back in all their _dry_ and _expectant_ glory. Shizuo felt terrible already.

“Uhm, yeah, no problem…” He started, “But, uh…Izaya…”

“Yes, Shizu-chan? Is something wrong?” He smiled innocently.

“I…I forgot to bring an umbrella…” Shizuo said dejectedly, looking down at his feet to avoid meeting the other’s disappointed look.

He heard an exasperated sigh. Peeking through his bangs, he saw the raven shake his head slightly as a sly smile appeared on their lips.

“It’s ok, I knew you would forget,” he slowly began pulling his hands forward from behind him to reveal a black umbrella. “So I stole Shinra’s!”

Mouth agape, Shizuo began to reprimand Izaya.

“Oi, Izaya, you can’t just steal other people’s—”

“But it’s Shinra.”

“Ok, good point. Let’s get going then.”

But stopped when Izaya gave him an extremely compelling argument.

Opening up the umbrella, Shizuo noticed it was only big enough to fit one person underneath. Considering Shinra’s size and still single status, it made sense.

“Here, I’ll hold it,” the blonde said, taking it from the raven’s hands. “It’ll be easier if I do.”

Walking through the streets, they started heading towards Shizuo’s house, as it was closer and empty of other family members. The umbrella, not made to fit two people under it, ended up getting tilted more towards Izaya’s side, causing Shizuo’s left shoulder to be drenched, though he didn’t really mind. But despite his best efforts to keep at least Izaya dry, both their legs got soaked through from the rain still

Finally making it into the blonde’s dry and humble abode, they quickly took off their sopping wet shoes and socks. Grabbing towels to dry off their slightly damp hair and skin, Shizuo began fumbling through his closest for some clothes as Izaya sat on his bed.

“Um…These are the smallest clothes I have so you could wear these for the time being,” he offered, awkwardly handing the other a gray hoodie and black shorts. “You can change in the bathroom down the hall.”

While Izaya was changing over there, Shizuo stripped off this partially wet uniform in favor of a white T-shirt and blue sweatpants. The thought of the raven wearing his old clothes didn’t even cross his mind until he heard the tentative knock on the door to his room before the other walked in.

The hoodie was still a good two sizes too big and the sleeves went past his hands and covered them. The shorts, however, hung very loosely around the raven’s hips and were threatening to completely fall off if Izaya didn’t pull them back up every time they began slipping. Shizuo gulped at seeing the slim hipbones for just a second before the oversized hoodie covered them again. The smaller male had on a light blush and pout on his lips.

“Shizu-chan, they’re still too big on me…” He said with his cheeks puffed out, annoyed.

Izaya looked damn near irresistible.

He must have been staring for a long time, because Izaya was suddenly called out his name and waving their hands in front of his face.

“Hello?? Earth to Shizu-chan?”

Snapping out of it, Shizuo quickly coughed to cover up his flustered expression. Moving towards the bed, Izaya laid on top while Shizuo sat on the side, waiting for the bad weather to pass and for the pitter patter of raindrops on his window to stop. They didn’t really talk, just stayed there and enjoyed each other’s company, which was all they needed from the other anyways.

Shizuo was reading a book and Izaya was playing on his phone when the raven spoke up after an hour of peaceful silence.

“Ne, Shizu-chan?”

The blonde hummed in acknowledgement, partially focused on what he was reading and on what Izaya was saying.

“You know this is our last year of high school, right?”

“Yeah… What about it?”

“What are you going to do after we graduate then?”

“Mmm, continue being with you, of course.”

“Eh? Really? You’re not going to go to college or anything like that?”

“Nah, that sounds too bothersome, you can still go though, you’re smart enough to get into anyone you want.”

Joking half-heartedly, Izaya snickered, trying to rile the other up a bit, “But what about us, how is Shizu-chan going to handle us being apart?”

“Then I’ll just marry you so we’ll always be together.”

“…”

Hearing silence again, the blonde replayed what he just unconsciously said over again in his head, eyes widening significantly as his face began to burn. He was about to retort, but suddenly his head was being pulled back and soft lips lowered against his from above.

Opening his eyes, not even realizing he closed them, Shizuo looked up to see Izaya’s flustered face and genuine smile, hearing the raven softly laugh as his fingers massaged his scalp.

“Of course we will… Shizu-chan really is the biggest idiot ever…”

This time, Shizuo leaned up, his hand going to the back of Izaya’s head as their lips met once more, ridiculously happy expression on both of their faces as they kissed.


	11. Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Forever  
> Day & Prompt: Day 7 (4/19): Last goodbyes  
> Rating: T  
> Warnings(*please indicate if it’s sfw/nsfw): SFW  
> Side Pairings(if applicable): Shinra/Celty  
> Summary: There are some parts in your life that are unneeded, and when you finally find someone that can complete you so wholly, you’ll be able to let go those parts that once filled your being go.

At some point in every person’s life, there was a time when they were lonely. So they sought companionship.

This applies to every person on this earth, the only difference being that some succeeded, while others…didn’t.

One of those who could never succeed in finding someone else was Heiwajima Shizuo.

Ever since he attained his strength, nobody dared come near him in a way that didn’t consist of wanting to brawl. Everyone ran away, he was all alone, and he honestly thought this was how it was going to remain like for the rest of his life.

After all, what nice girl would choose him out of all the others out there?

Turns out, it wasn’t a girl—heck, they weren’t even nice to begin with, much less a girl! They were actually the shittiest person he’s ever met. Yes, turns out, it was Orihara Izaya.

The raven also never succeeded in finding companionship.

The aspect that attracted them to each other was that they were both very, very lonely people.

So when he accidentally blurted out,  _“Then I’ll just marry you so we’ll always be together,”_ he wanted to crawl into a cave and never be seen again, because, wow, could he get any more ahead of himself? He finally managed to get the raven back and now he was going to scare them off again.

Before he could quickly stutter out that he was ‘Just joking, kinda, not really, but you don’t have to take it seriously!’ Izaya surprised him with a kiss and light laughter, saying words he never thought he would hear.

_“Of course we will… Shizu-chan really is the biggest idiot ever…”_

So true to their words, Shizuo and Izaya got married some time after they both graduated from high school.

The ceremony wasn’t really big, but it was everything Shizuo ever wanted. Standing at the alter in a humble little church, only family members and Shinra and Celty attending, Shizuo already felt his heart racing as the doors on the other side began to open.

Out stepped Izaya, in a pristine white suit, a single red rose in his breast pocket, as a thin veil covered his face. The raven’s little sisters were the designated flower girls, but from what he saw, it looked like that they were tossing the petals, trying to specifically hit Izaya in the back, grabbing fistfuls and bunching them up for more accuracy, rather than throwing and scattering them on the walkway.

The man walking down, face covered, didn’t seem to even flinch at the soft impacts against his back, as if expecting this. Reaching the altar, he stood on the other side of the blonde, perfectly still, and Shizuo could feel the lazy grin behind the veil.

The minister, at least he thinks they’re a minister, mumbled a bunch of scripted lines about holy matrimony, but the words barely even registered in the blonde’s mind. All he was focused on was the male standing on the other side of him.

When it came time to utter their vows, Shizuo carefully took the ring from his brother, the ring bearer, and slipped it onto Izaya’s dainty finger, whispering softly his vows of eternal love and unwavering loyalty, which were returned with equal earnest by the raven.

The only sentence he heard after that was, “Do you, Heiwajima Shizuo, accept Orihara Izaya to be your, uh, husband?”

Never has he ever replied to anything faster.

Watching, he heard the same question repeated to Izaya. Lump caught in his throat, he waited for the raven to respond, hoping to all that existed that this wasn’t some cruel joke.

A single, “I do,” echoed through the room, and before the minister could finish saying, “You may now kiss the bride— _FUCK_ , I mean the groom,” Shizuo was already lifting up the white veil, staring into dark crimson eyes and small smile, engraving every detail of his face at this very moment into his memory.

Holding the raven’s pale face between his callous hands, he slowly leaned in and their lips lightly grazed against each other before firmly pressing harder, massaging against the other in fervor. Breaking apart for air, Izaya looked up and a smirk with no malice appeared as he laughed out breathily.

“I guess this is our last goodbye to the life we had before, huh, Shizu-chan?”

“Yeah… It really is. We’re not going to be alone anymore.”

Lifting them up and carrying them bridal style, Shizuo walked out through the front door where a black car with tinted windows waited for them to bring them on their immediate honeymoon, wide grins on both their faces. Cheers resounded in the back and clapping could be heard as Izaya threw the flower bouquet. He was pretty sure Shinra fought the other girls for it, getting it and shouting that this means he and Celty would get married next before getting punched in the gut.

Looking back on it, and remembering all the little details that he chose to ignore that day, that wedding was definitely sketchy.

Not only was he unsure if the person that wed them was actually a priest, considering they were just wearing a black cape over a suit instead of actual clerical clothing. They were also wearing sunglasses. Furthermore, he was unsure where they got a black limo, as they did not originally plan to have one. But  _there_  it was.

He wonders if they broke the law too.

He didn’t fully acknowledge any of this until after their honeymoon when Izaya came bounding in the next day, showing a certificate of them being officially wedded.

Shinra just so happened to be on the phone with Shizuo when this happened, shouting his congratulations and a probably unnecessary, “I can’t believe Izaya actually made it happen somehow! I just thought the wedding ceremony was symbolic or something since same-sex couples can’t get married, but wow, leave it to Izaya to get an actual document even though that’s not allowed, haha!”

He looked it up online later, and it definitely wasn’t allowed, but that document is also definitely the real deal, so now he’s really skeptical on how the raven made it happen.

At least they were still together, technically. And that was all that mattered, kinda.

_“Goodbye forever, loneliness.”_


	12. Renovation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Renovation  
> Day & Prompt: Day 7 (4/19): Moving in together  
> Rating: T  
> Warnings(*please indicate if it’s sfw/nsfw): SFW  
> Side Pairings(if applicable): N/A  
> Summary: A home is not just a house you live in, it’s also a place where you can return too, and a place others will one day come back to also.

A home.

This was probably the first time Izaya had a place to return to that was called a _home_ , instead or house or apartment. He and the blonde were finally living together after getting married and graduating high school.

The apartment, a large condo that took up an entire floor, was spacious and sophisticated, just the way he liked it, being the minimalist he was. They had saved money up together, well more like Shizuo saved up money despite Izaya’s insistence that he could buy the place by himself. Apparently the blonde wanted it to be a shared effort.

Sadly, the modest look only lasted for a bit.

They originally didn’t have that many possessions to decorate the condo with, only bringing along with them necessities such as kitchenware, clothes, tables, chairs, and lamps. They managed to decorate the new place exactly the way Izaya liked it, neat and tidy. But as time went on, it slowly became more and more cluttered.

It wasn’t cluttered in the way that it was messy, they still kept the condo very clean, but it was cluttered in the way that it contained unnecessary objects like decorative vases and random paintings of fruit bowls and rivers.

At first, he didn’t really mind it much, finding it very endearing and Shizuo-esque. But as it continued on, he found himself lying on his shared bed, landing on a pile of pillows instead of the actual mattress, and decided they should have an intervention.

So confronting Shizuo while he was drinking milk in the kitchen, Izaya gently plucked one of the paintings that decorated the kitchen wall off from where it was hanging. It was late at night and the blonde was tired from a long day at work, but even though the raven had the same amount of sleep as the blonde, he was able to sustain himself with black coffee that Shizuo refused to even sip.

“Shizu-chan, we need to have a talk….”

Turning around, still half-asleep from having just woken up, Shizuo blearily regarded the other with a tired look.

“Huh? We do? Is something wrong?”

Nodding solemnly, Izaya gestured around the apartment.

“What do you see when I do this?”

Eyebrows furrowing together, the blonde grunted as he turned his head and looked around. Izaya hoped he would get the hint as his hand moved from some kind of blobbed sculpture on the kitchen table to the pillows and rugs that lay scattered about the living room area.

“I see our home, what about it?” He asked, confused, walking past the exasperated raven.

Rubbing his temples, Izaya tried again, flustered still at this place being regarded as a _home_. It seemed foreign on his tongue, unused and unsaid, but he agreed. It did look very homely and cozy compared to before, which was an efficient office that just so happened to also be where they lived.

“Shizu-chan, maybe you should stop buying things to decorate the house with…” The raven suggested casually, watching as Shizuo sleepily trudged back up the stairs to the second floor of their apartment.

“Can we get a dog then?” Was what he asked back, as if it was some kind of ultimatum.

Stiffly stopping in his tracks in following the other up the stairs, Izaya instantly answered back without hesitation, a scowl forming on their lips. He dislikes dogs very much.

“Absolutely not.”

Getting into the bedroom, Shizuo quickly plopped down, closing their eyes sleepily as they began to doze off. Izaya scoffed at the other, sitting on the other side, fully intent to try to convince the other to stop this home renovation still.

“Why is Shizu-chan so bent on making this place homey anyways, it’s just the two of us,” he had said off-handedly, just as a way to keep the other somewhat conscious and from falling asleep.

Grunting as he rolled over, he quickly pulled Izaya down, holding him behind as he nuzzled his nose into the slender neck. The raven jolted, shivering at the contact, trying futilely to break free from the strong grip, pink tint rising in his cheeks at the unrelenting hold.

“Shizu-chan! Let me go and answer me.“

Only seeming to snuggle in more, Izaya sighed, rolling his eyes at the other, about to wake them up by pinching their nose and mouth shut, before half-asleep words fell from the blonde’s lips.

“’Cause it’s not always just going to be us…. I want to make this to be a place where…we can have kids in the future…”

The smaller male froze, heart half stopping at the suggestion and what it implied, as his eyes widened comically. Turning around in the hold, he faced Shizuo, about to ask what the blonde meant by that, however, the light snoring that emitted from him deterred Izaya enough to just lay in the darkness of their room, contemplating what to do. The vagueness of that statement would keep him sane for now.

Perhaps, the blonde didn’t realize what he said and would forget this whole exchange once he wakes up, the raven tried to persuade himself. But that didn’t get rid of the problem that Shizuo _wanted_ kids one day.

It was endearing, but it also meant that he’ll eventually gain more people that he loved differently than his love for humans. A little fear embedding itself in the back of his head at all the possible risks and consequences that came with it.

“We’ve only been together in this place for about year and you’re already thinking about children, Shizu-chan really is a romantic…” He chuckled nervously, stroking the other’s blond hair.

If it was with Shizuo, it’ll be worth it somehow.

"Unpredictable brute…”


	13. White Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: White Lies  
> Day & Prompt: Day 6 (4/18): Overused AU (Parent AU based off Moyzi’s Headcanons)  
> Rating: T  
> Warnings(*please indicate if it’s sfw/nsfw): SFW  
> Side Pairings(if applicable): Shinra/Celty  
> Summary: Parenting is hard, especially when you’re bad at telling lies.

The fated day has finally come, the day where everything good and innocent will come crashing down into a burning pile of filthy lies. Yes, today was the day where every child asked their parents the cursed question.

Shizuo never thought he’ll be the one to answer it. He always thought they’ll ask Izaya and have the raven explain some overused lie to them, but apparently not, because there they were, all four of them, looking up at him with expectant and curious gleaming eyes, _waiting_. It was worse enough with his own kids, why did it have to be on the day when he was babysitting two others.

“Dad… Where do babies come from?” A little raven with a paper crown on their head had walked over and asked first, tugging the blonde’s pant leg in the kitchen where he was making lunch for all of them. Shizuo nearly dropped the plate he was holding as soon as the word ‘ _babies_ ’ was uttered.

His eyes widened and his mouth became dry, opening and closing like a fish out of water with no words coming out. He was in shock as he tried to process how he should answer it, how Izaya would answer it.

It’s been about 5 years now, since they’ve adopted kids. At first, they weren’t even sure if they could adopt a kid, having no mother figure in their household, but Izaya assured him that he could pull some strings to make it happen somehow. Shizuo wasn’t even sure why he was surprised anymore, considering Izaya did the same thing when they got married even though same sex marriage wasn’t allowed, however he was. When they walked into the adoption agency, the blonde wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it wasn’t for Izaya to wave at a sketchy-looking individual in a crisp black suit and sunglasses to come over and escort them through the building.

As if to add insult to injury when they walked into their designated waiting room, Shinra and Celty were already in there waiting for them.

Question after question sprung up in his head, though no answers joined them in their journey, and Shizuo was left standing there, perplexed, as they all exchanged greetings.

“Hey, Izaya! Thanks for doing this for us!” Shinra joyfully said, clad in a lab coat and dark rimmed glasses. Celty typed out her gratitude from beside him, wearing a nice black sundress made out of her shadows. It would’ve been normal if she wasn’t wearing her usual cat-esque motorcycle helmet though.

Izaya just smiled sweetly, but it also kinda looked like a scowl at the same time, muttering something about middle school and dogs continuing to be a secret.

“Why are they here?” Shizuo had asked when Izaya came back, the raven only replying with an ambiguous ‘Long story’ and a ‘Let’s not talk about it’.

After a while, they somehow got separated from their respective partners, Shizuo going with Celty and Izaya going with Shinra, the whole occurrence being a blur of children and Izaya and Shinra just disappearing.

Going into a different room than the one he was originally in with Celty, he saw that it was a little play area filled with small children around the ages of 1 or 2. Looking around, Shizuo suddenly felt nervous moving around, like what if he accidentally stepped on one and killed them because they were so small and tiny and the blonde didn’t see them in time!?

Celty gently stroked his shoulder to reassure them, calming him down as they carefully began to navigate through the semi-crowded area. At first, the debt collector had no idea which one to pick; it was a hard decision to make, they all looked so cute and tiny, until his eyes scanned the room and met the sight of a little pouty raven rocking back and forth on a white horse in the corner all alone.

Instantly feeling gravitated towards them, Shizuo gently stepped over and leaned down onto his knees to peer at the child’s bright amber eyes, the same as his. They stared at each other and if there was such a thing as paternal bonding, it was definitely happening then.

Smiling, the blonde slowly picked them up and held them as gently as he could, being extra, extra mindful of his strength. He saw Celty on the other side of the room, already carrying another black haired boy, walking over to the blonde once they were done.

When the rendezvoused back at the waiting room to fill out the proper paper work, they were both surprised to see Shinra and Izaya with two little blonde haired boys by their side. Looking at each other in confusion, Celty quickly maneuvered her arms to pull out her PDA to type the question they’ve all been thinking.

[Wait, weren’t we supposed to pick the child?]

“I thought we were!” Shinra responded, eyebrows rising above the rim of this spectacles.

“You two went meandering off into god-knows-where ‘oohing’ and ‘ahhing’ at all the kids before we could catch up with you!” Shizuo defended.

“Yeah, Shizu-chan, we were picking a child and when we turned back around, you two had disappeared to ‘god-knows-where’.”

A tense silence engulfed the room as everyone pondered what to do next when suddenly the smiley baby in Celty’s arms began to sniffle and cry a bit at the stressed atmosphere. Panicking, she quickly bounced them up and down, trying to get them to calm down. Shizuo could briefly hear Shinra fawning dramatically over the adorable scene before he suddenly jumped up to his feet, declaring his decision in an overly affectionate voice.

“Alright, my beloved! We’ll go with your child since you were the one that picked them, and I love everything that you pick!”

Snapping her helmet towards the brunet, she angrily typed out her response.

[Shinra! We can’t just give back the one you picked, that’s so mean and it’ll scar them for life!]

“Ah, don’t worry, they’re too young right now so I highly doubt they’ll be able to remember any of this—”

[Shinra!]

Seeming to oddly swoon even more than before at that message, Shinra said dreamily, “My dear Celty is so kind and caring! Ok, we’ll take both of them then! Whatever my beloved wants!”

Izaya looked over at Shizuo, raising a single trimmed eyebrow, asking the same question with his crimson eyes telepathically. The blonde shrugged their shoulders, not knowing how to answer, and that was how they ended up with a little boy named Hibiya and another one named Tsugaru. Shinra and Celty having one named Psyche and the other named Delic.

Feeling another tug at his pant leg, snapping him out of his reverie, the blonde quickly looked down at his now 6 year-old son getting his attention and asking the same question again.

“Daaad, where do babies come from? Answer meee,” Hibiya whined, pouting up at him, annoyed at not getting a response yet.

Feeling sweat drop down from his forehead and his throat clamp up, Shizuo began thinking of ten thousand different white lies, like ones with storks and angels or clouds and rain, and the reply that ends up coming out of his mouth was,

“The sky.”

Small mouth forming a ‘O’ shape, he quickly turned around and yelled to one of the other kids in the living room, “My dad says they come from the sky! I told you that you were wrong!”

Hearing more footsteps coming over, and tiny bodies surround him, Shizuo internally gawked at his terrible answer.

“Nuh-uh, I’m right!” A boy with blonde hair and bright magenta eyes retorted. “My dad says babies come from a girl’s—”

“DELIC!” The older blonde quickly screamed, flustered, crouching down instantly to cover the younger blonde’s mouth before anything unnecessary came out. He was going to beat Shinra’s ass to the moon later. “Your dad is wrong! Really wrong!! They definitely do not come from there! Absolutely no way!”

“Yeah, Hibi-chan sounds right, I mean, wouldn’t the baby have to explode out of the girl’s stomach to get out, and then the girl will die because I heard explosions kill people, so how would we have moms then?” Psyche said logically, causing the others to nod their head in understanding.

Shizuo’s mouth fell open, and he quickly covered his face with his hands, rubbing it over his eyes and through his hair. “Please, just stop… We’ll all have ice cream so let’s stop talking about this topic.”

And that was how, walking through the front door with groceries, Izaya saw the four boys running around, with umbrellas, wondering if babies can break through roofs. A gloomy looking Shizuo sitting on the living room couch having to explain everything that happened.

A laugh erupted from the informant’s chest when he head the story as he gently and swiftly gathered all the kids around to explain that babies appear when two people love each other very much, disappointed awes resounding all around from the little ones.


	14. Stories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Stories  
> Day & Prompt: Day 6 (4/18): Crossover (Parent AU based off Moyzi’s Headcanons)  
> Rating: T  
> Warnings(*please indicate if it’s sfw/nsfw): SFW (And crossdressing Izaya pictures)  
> Side Pairings(if applicable): Shinra/Celty  
> Summary: Children’s imaginations are always wild and possibly atrociously wrong, but at least they were also somewhat endearing, even to someone like Orihara Izaya.

Looking at the drawings that lay before him on the living room table, Izaya never thought this would happen. Sure, Izaya had written stories with them before, and they all drew pictures together of the events that happened in them. But never in all his life did he think he would see a depiction of _himself_ in women’s clothing.

This couldn’t possibly be him, he had thought, and Izaya wouldn’t have believed it was himself either if it wasn’t for the terribly scribbled words of ‘Mom’ scrawled out and rewritten over with ‘Iza-dad’ next to the figure.

Looking at the other ones that the rest of the kids drew didn’t make him feel any better either.

The first one was him dressed as possibly Rapunzel, wearing a pink and frilly dress at the top of a tower, lowering down long luscious hair that he _did not have_ to the floor to let up a person dressed up with a golden cape and crown. A white horse stood next to them and the messily written ‘Me’ next to the supposed prince.

‘ _Hibiya, what are you trying to depict me as!?_ ’ Izaya internally screamed.

The next one was him dancing to music with stars and sparkles surrounding him. That would have been fine just at that, but sadly there was more. In this one, he was dressed up at Sailor Moon, using the wand as his long black hair which he _did not have_ flowed and wrapped around him. Several others were around him, dressed in different outfits. He vaguely made out a butler uniform on a blonde as Shizuo with the help of ‘Uncle Shizuo’ written next to it, which annoyed him even more. The one standing next to him was a small boy in a white button up coat with pink buttons.

‘ _Psyche, not you too…_ ’

Sighing heavily, he looked at the last two together. The one he held in his left hand had him in a small red dress, allowing a blonde haired prince in a white suit with a pink undershirt to kiss his hand in some kind of dank alleyway while people he identified as Shinra and Celty were staring at them in the background. The one in his right was actually the best one as it depicted him having a picnic without any atrocious garment on, however it showed him having tea with _Shinra_ of all people as Shizuo and Celty sat on the other side. With respective indication on all the drawings signifying the characters in the pictures, there was no way Izaya could mistake it, much to his chagrin.

Getting up, he slowly made his way over to the kitchen table where they were all gathered, eating curry hungrily. Shizuo was sitting there too, amongst all the children, looking just as content. Izaya would’ve thought it childish and so Shizuo-esque if he wasn’t focused on bigger issues here, those being why he was in dresses in most of the pictures.

Pulling up an extra chair, he agilely maneuvered his way into the munching bunch and casually placed the drawings in the center, a saccharine smile on his lips.

“So, what do we have here?” He said sweetly with a venom laced voice as he gestured to the papers he put down.

Hibiya was the first to speak up, leaning over and grabbing their picture, a proud smile on his face as he held it up for everyone to see as an explanation spilled from his lips.

“Oh! I drew this one and this over here is me and this one is dad! He’s a princess and I’m saving them from the tall tower!”

“Why…does he have shadows coming out of his head?”

“They’re not shadows; it’s his long flowing hair!” The young boy defended against Shizuo’s inquiry, causing the blonde to barely hold in his laughter, especially when he glanced over at the real Izaya sitting across from him with a look that could kill but also with _short_ hair that wasn’t long at all.

“Why did you draw that, Hibi-chan?” Izaya asked sweetly, redirecting his gaze at his son.

“You and I were reading stories the other day, remember?? And I said I also wanted to be a prince so you said I could! And we began writing out our own story and you said I could choose any pretty girl I wanted!” The little raven said excitedly before fumbling with their sleeves as they continued, “B-But… I didn’t know any pretty girls, and you were the prettiest person I knew so I used you instead…!”

His previously composed mask slightly faltered and the informant put his head into his hands and groaned exasperatedly, heartstrings being pulled just the tiniest bit. He knew that all that adventure-creating and father-son bonding would come to this…

“Can… Can I still hang it up on the fridge?” The crowned little boy asked meekly.

“Yes…” He answered curtly in return, before redirecting his gaze at Psyche and Delic. “Now it’s time for you two to explain.”

Smiling widely, Psyche started off, “Well, my dad and I were watching Sailor Moon and when she was fighting off the bad guys, but had to call in the butler guy, he said that you would be Sailor Moon since all you do is get things started and then become useless! And then Uncle Shizuo has to come to save you because you’re weak!”

Internally gawking, Izaya was going to kill Shinra later, and then his children would only have a mother. It didn’t help that Psyche seems incapable of reading the atmosphere, blurting out the explanation as bluntly but yet as innocently as he could. The older raven could still hear Shizuo covering his mouth with his hand in vain as chuckles and snickers slipped out here and there, causing the vein in his temple to pop even more. He was definitely going to kill Shinra later when he came to pick up his kids.

Delic quickly held up his picture to show it around before he told the story behind his drawing, smirking boyishly as he enlightened them.

“Yeah, my dad also told me that Uncle Izaya was the kind of sketchy guy that would dress up really nice and meet up with random strangers in dirty alleyways and that’s how he gets money! So this is Uncle Izaya in a really pretty dress, because dresses are always nice, and this is me, holding his hand and kissing it because he wants my money! But it’s ok since I’m also rich! And because my parents are watching me in the background…” He laughed near the end, and Izaya swore to everything in this world that the underground doctor was a dead man.

In the end, they all hung up their drawings on the fridge.

Izaya sighed exasperatedly, walking over to Tsugaru and gently stroking their hair.

“At least your picture was normal, Tsugaru-chan, you’re such a good child,” he said softly, leaning down and kissing the top of his son’s head. The younger boy’s blue eyes slowly closed as he hummed contently.

“Thank you, mom, I love you too.”

Izaya stiffly leaned back up afterwards, watching the happy blonde haired boy skip off to join the others again. He didn’t even need to turn around to know that Shizuo had heard the whole exchange and was currently falling over onto the couch and choking on his own laughter, because the raven could hear it, loud and clear.

Shizuo was definitely going to be sleeping on that couch tonight.


	15. Habit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Habit  
> Day & Prompt: Day 8 (4/20): Free Prompt (Parent AU for Shizuo Day!)  
> Rating: T  
> Warnings(*please indicate if it’s sfw/nsfw): SFW (And ~~WEED~~ smoking)  
>  Side Pairings(if applicable): N/A  
> Summary: Bad habits are hard to get rid of, especially when addiction ends up consuming you. Luckily there are also many solutions to help those get over their problem.

Gray fumes and ash, smoke and cinder, cigarettes were a bad habit Shizuo had picked up sometime after high school. He didn’t do it intentionally, but with his job as a debt collector and constantly dealing with really annoying people, smoking became a way to calm himself.

He knew it was bad, he also knew that he didn’t give a damn if it was since it was also effective.

However, he did still feel bad that he picked up such a money-consuming bad habit. Especially since he already had someone at home to calm him down, at least most of the time, the taste of bitter coffee and _Izaya_ was much better than burnt tobacco. But the raven wasn’t with him all the time, so while he’s making the runs with Tom, his anger just causes him to lose control.

It’s a lot better than when he was still in high school though, Izaya ironically being a big help in him getting better, but even if the smaller male says, _“Shizu-chan’s fine the way he is, monstrous strength and all,”_ the blonde still wanted to get better at controlling it. And smoking helped him do that by calming his nerves.

Although, he’s been meaning to find a way to stop, but just didn’t have any initiative yet, until that is, after much discussion, they both finally decided to get kids. It was because he didn’t want to affect the children’s health negatively, but also because it was one of the agreements that Izaya placed down if they were going to adopt kids, which caused him to finally choose to drop the bad habit.

The blonde went completely cold-turkey, and the withdrawal symptoms made him even grumpier and easier to anger than usual, it was absolute hell, but at least now, when he came home, he was greeted with bright smiles and happy laughter and yells of, “Dad’s finally back!! Welcome home!” which made his day automatically better, so it was worth it in the end as he eventually got rid of his need to smoke.

However, one day, some years later, some poor sap, who didn’t know how to fucking pay up, crossed the line with a passive aggressive threat to try to get the blonde to drop their debt.

With a sneer and a scoff, they had said something that nearly caused Shizuo to beat them to death. If Tom wasn’t there to hold him back, he probably would have killed them.

_“You know, Heiwajima-san… It’ll be a horrible tragedy if anything were to happen to your sons, so maybe you should just, oh I don’t know, drop my debt, if you know what’s best.”_

He ended up smoking a pack and a half that day before he got off work, Tom insisting that he needed it just for today to calm down a bit. But upon taking the first swig, he could already feel the nicotine tingling through his body, addiction creeping back in.

Returning home that day, he felt guilt swell in his chest. Opening the door, as usual, Hibiya and Tsugaru were ecstatic to see him. Psyche and Delic, Shinra’s sons who were here on a play, also came bounding over with just as much excitement.

However, when they got closer, they immediately stopped and covered their lower faces.

“Ew! What’s that smell?” Psyche cried out, pinching his nose as stepped back.

“Smells like dust or ash…” Tsugaru commented, sniffing the air once more.

Shizuo sighed apologetically, “Sorry… I started again…”

“Started what?” Hibiya asked, waving his hand around as if to get rid of the stench.

“Eh, really, Shizu-chan? You were having such a great streak going too!” Izaya teased dramatically, walking from the kitchen over to the blonde, leaning up and quickly pecking him once on the lips. He smirked as he whispered nostalgically at the scent. “It’s been a long time, so this smell really brings back memories, ne?”

The raven then turned around and began ushering the kids back into the living room, chuckling at their bunched up expression.

“Now don’t do it again and go get cleaned up, ne, Shizu-chan? We’re having dinner soon,” he called back, subtly telling him to end his nicotine craving too.

“What’s wrong with Uncle Shizuo?” Delic questioned, a hint of worry mixed with curiosity in his voice and bright magenta eyes.

“Ah, it’s nothing, Shizu-chan seems to be picking back an old habit again.”

“What is it?”

“Just smoking.”

A gasp and a “My Dad says smoking is really bad and it can kill you!” were the last things Shizuo heard before he shut the bedroom door, stripping out of his work clothes and into some more comfortable ones. His hair still kinda smelled like ash but that can’t be helped until later when he took a shower.

Later at night, Shizuo couldn’t go to sleep, still saddened about today’s events, staying up and staring at the dark ceiling. Izaya rolled his eyes beside him in bed as a languid smirk crossed his face.

“Shizu-chan worries too much, I’m sure you’ll beat your record of 5 years with no problem.”

The next day, he was in a sour mood all over again, determined already to stop. The clients of that day weren’t helping much with that though, much to his annoyance and anger.

Going home again after long hours of yelling and running and lifting up impossibly heavy objects, feeling bags under his eyes, he was greeted by his kids and Shinra’s running up to him again and tugging at his pant legs, causing a grin to slowly appear on his face.

“Hey, what have you guys been up to today?” The blonde asked softly, rubbing all their heads, making their previously neat, or at least acceptable, hair stick up at odd end and weird angles.

Only laughing excitedly, they began grabbing at his large hand, holding it within their much tinier ones and pulling forward with all their might.

“Come here! Come here! We have a surprise for you! Close your eyes!!”

Arching an eyebrow, he heard them whine more at his open eyes, before he slowly lifted one hand to cover them as he felt them pushing and pulling him towards the living room. He heard the crinkling of bags, or several bags, and his confusion only heightened as he felt all the children leave his side to seemingly pick up the objects.

“You can open them now!”

Dropping his hand, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but a mountain of candy was not it.

“Surprise!!” They all shouted, cheering happily, opening one or two bags out of the many that existed and taking some pieces out, unwrapping them and eating away.

Mouth hanging open at the humongous amount, he leaned down and picked up a bag from the floor, closely examining it to realize that they were lollipops, the same goes to all 40 something of the ones still lying on the ground.

“Wha… What’s all this?!”  
  
Izaya, who had been sitting behind the pile, slowly took two out of an open bag, unwrapping them as he walked towards the older blonde. He stuck one in between his slightly parted lips, and Shizuo realized with widened eyes that they were really sweet and really good. He stuck the other one into his own lips, crimson eyes cringing at the overly sweet taste for a second before a lazy grin graced their face.

“A sweet solution to Shizu-chan’s bad habit.”

From there on out, he carried at least of dozen in his pockets at all times, since whenever he got angry, he ends up crushing the whole thing in his mouth, but it was definitely working, he wasn’t smoking anymore. Though he wasn’t sure if this was necessarily healthier, or a better influence on kids. Actually he thinks it makes him looks suspicious with all the candy he carries around, he also thinks Izaya laughs whenever he sees a plethora of wrappers in the trash can.

The two little ravens and blondes ended up eating a lot too, but eventually were told to stop lest they wanted cavities.

_“Eh, how come dad won’t get cavities?”_

_“Because your dad has very strong teeth, Hibi-chan. So if you want strong teeth, you better drink a lot of milk like him, ne?”_

In the end, their household goes through a lot of milk and lollipops, and it couldn’t have been any happier.

**Bonus:**

Coming over to pick up his two very lovely sons, Shinra knocked loudly on the wooden door, curious as to what all the laughter on the other side was about.

The wooden frame clicked open to show Shizuo with about 5 lollipops stuck in his mouth as he grunted out a greeting, unable to speak properly with his mouth full.

Looking at the sight of one of the strongest men of Ikebukuo sucking on candy, Shinra couldn’t help but laugh, slapping his knee in the process. 

“Oh god, Shizuo, what are you, haha, doing? You look like you’re doing drugs!” He chuckled out breathlessly, wiping a few tears from the corner of his eyes as he looked back up.

The brunet immediately saw a vein start to pop at the blonde’s temple, and he instantly shrunk back as he heard loud cracking and crunching sounds reverberate through the air. Shizuo just crushed all 5 lollipops in his mouth into little pieces before growling out angrily his retort. 

“Says the weird creepy pervert who actually named his kids after drugs! Psyche and Delic: Psychedelic, really, you crack doctor?! And I’m the one that looks like I do drugs!?”

“Eek! S-Sorry it was a joke!”

“You named your kids that as a _JOKE_?!”

“N-No!! I mean m-my other comment!!” Shinra stuttered out nervously, breathing a heavy sigh of relief as his sons finally walked to the door, peering through the older blonde’s long legs blocking the way.

“Dad!” Psyche and Delic called out simultaneously upon seeing the bespectacled male, squeezing past and running towards Shinra and hugging him tightly.

“A-Ah! There you two are! Great, l-let’s go home now!” He spluttered out even though Shizuo looked miraculously calm now since there were children around him. Shinra never thought he’ll be saved by 6 year olds, but apparently he just was.

‘ _Ah, I guess he didn’t appreciate my pun…_ ’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! I hope you enjoyed it! Btw there was not actual usage of weed in this final chapter haha... Don't do drugs, kids. Suck on lollipops instead of cigarettes. Also DO NOT name your kids after drugs like Shinra. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated btw! I'm kind of new at this whole writing thing OTL


End file.
